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Do you ever have that moment when you look up to the sky and you see a few buzzards, or turkey vultures, or whatever the fuck they’re called up there? And they’re doing all these acrobatics and you start to think they’re performing? Like they’re showing off for you? They’re giving you a private show? And then you realize they’re actually kind of swarming you Jaws-style? So you start to get a little nervous and wonder what’s going on? And then you remember you’re holding a soft pretzel? And you look down at the pretzel in horror and instinctively throw it as far away from you and as hard as you can? And the soft pretzel hits a child? In the face? And then the parent of the child who just got assaulted by a salty dough snack glares at you and escorts the child away because you’re “unhinged”? And then you stand there, hungry and alone?
Yeah, me either.