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Do you ever have that moment when you look up to the sky and you see a few buzzards, or turkey vultures, or whatever the fuck they’re called up there? And they’re doing all these acrobatics and you start to think they’re performing? Like they’re …

4:30am I wake to the sound of screaming on the baby monitor. I nudge my sleeping wife, but she doesn’t move. The crying continues so I poke Catelyn again, harder this time, and she’s finally up and headed to the nursery! Score.

6:00am My sleep is …

Dear everyone,

Well guys, you were right. This morning I woke up with an intense longing for shitty diapers and sleepless nights. All I want to do is worry about the well-being of a tiny alien that can’t walk or talk yet. I’m shocked I’m saying …

Last month I looked out our bedroom window and noticed a uniquely shaped stick in our back yard. The stick appeared to be protruding out from a larger log and was mostly covered with leaves. There was an odd curve to it that didn’t seem right to me, …

I had been thinking about getting laser hair removal for a while, but I avoided seeking information because I was anxious. I also dread setting up appointments on the phone. (When I noticed there was a reputable laser place that had a chat function …

Our cat won’t stop meowing. It’s so constant that sometimes I fear I have forgotten something essential to this animal’s survival. The other day Justin got so frustrated with the incessant noise he shouted “Can’t you go entertain yourself?! Why don’t …

It’s that time of year again. People are emerging from their cocoons into the 60 degree weather. They’re putting their winter puffer coats in plastic storage bins and breaking out their distressed jean jackets. They’re purchasing more shaving cream …

The thought of being placed into a nursing home (or even just visiting one) tends to fill people with dread. The loss of independence. The decor. The smell? I think some people fear the full circle finality of starting off in diapers and potentially …

I hung some tiny string lights above our bed a few months ago. Aside from my cat’s nightly efforts to viciously tear them down, I really enjoy the ambiance. (Nugget’s attempts at complete destruction increase whenever there’s a full moon, the …

I officially became a woman in the lighting section of a Lowe’s Home Improvement store. (No, sicko, I didn’t get my period there. Periods don’t signify anything. And I got my period many years prior in the grubby bathroom of a Don Pablo’s during a …

I haven’t thought much of my water delivery dilemma recently. It has been smooth sailing (delivering). Water-delivery-guy number two even apologized for tracking snow into the building during a recent drop-off. Not even his fault, the little angel. …

The blog has a new look thanks to my IT guy/domestic partner/boy toy. 😉

Thank you for putting so much time into the site where I write about water-delivery-men, cats, and things I can’t stand. The world obviously needed your efforts.

I’ve never read …

Pee my pants


Watch people play chess


Call Amazon customer service


Stub my toe on a sharp object with enough force that I think it should be broken, or at the very least bleeding, but I look down to see there is no blood and now I just feel …

It happened again. A Super Bowl commercial featured someone stepping over the back of a couch, with a large bowl of popcorn in their hands, to join a group of their friends watching football. Why? Why does this keep happening? Who actually does this? …

We’ve been blessed/cursed with two feet of snow.

Pro: I didn’t have to go to work.

Con: Clearing snow straight up blows. Actually, it doesn’t blow. If we had a snowblower, then it would blow. But us peasants have a meager two shovels and it’s …

A man called and said to me, “I don’t know if I should talk to you about this, or someone who actually knows about this stuff.” Well guess what I’m your only option right now. And I might know more about ❤️ BTS, the incredible seven …

My car no longer smells like a fiery inferno thanks to a mechanic named Kenny. I knew I would like Kenny as soon as I saw him wearing one of those powder blue jumpsuits typically worn in garage environments (cute!) with his name stitched in red …

Let’s view this post as part of a potential mini-series (or maxi-series, I don’t know yet) about anxiety. We’ll just dip our toe (yes, our collective toe) in the water here and see what it’s like, because I’m not sure exactly if/how I want to write …

I listened to an acquaintance retell and revel in their high school experiences. He was the star quarterback. Although injuries prevented him from going pro (likely story), people urged him to never give up the game because of his immense talent. He …

My dear friend told me she might start sitting a kid. “Sitting” a kid? “Watching” a kid? “Spending time with” a kid? I don’t know what the proper terminology is here. Basically, it is my understanding that she is going to make sure this kid doesn’t …

Xanthan gum, help me
You’re in each thing I consume
What, pray tell, are you?

You have been forewarned that this post contains no important information. (Maybe I should just begin every post with that statement?) Seriously if this were a book, the content of this post would definitely not qualify as a chapter. There is truly …

Have a UTI


Repeat grades 6 and 7, objectively my most awkward years


Grade 6 gym class specifically


Lick a toilet


Paper cuts all over


Watch The Lord of the Rings movies (all… 3 of them? 4? 9?)


Have a second UTI


Untangle holiday lights …

My friend told me that a woman he knew was passing, and I quote, “a shit ton of kidney stones.” He then proceeded to explain that the reason for the copious amount of stones was the quantity of tea she had been drinking. He conveniently …

I’m not good at sleeping with people. Not in that way. Well, probably in that way too. I haven’t had many reviews. What I mean is that I’m an awful person to share a bed with. Here are the top 10 reasons why you don’t want to sleep with me.

1. I …

This is an update to an earlier post detailing the ongoing struggle I have with the water-delivery-guy. This is how the most recent delivery went.

While I’m working at my computer, I hear the delivery truck backing into the driveway. I begrudgingly …

Too loud, too emotional, too ambitious, too passionate, too irrational, etc…

You are too much. You are too kind, too funny, too joyful, too clever…

You are too good to spend your time worrying about what other people think (especially the people who …

I have a tendency to become paranoid. Most specifically and most recently, my paranoia surrounds my cat’s health and/or safety. I can’t help but spend my time thinking of various nightmare scenarios that could happen to my beloved cat.

What if my cat …

Do you remember when you were too young to drink legally? When you wanted to drink so badly because it made you feel so much cooler? At age 19, it seemed like the consumption of alcohol made everything more fun and magical. There were no downsides …

I always told myself I wouldn’t pull out the gray hairs. I wanted to just let it happen. To surrender. I wanted to embrace it, for one, but I’m also already spending a lot of time pulling hairs out of my face, concealing the dark circles under my …

I am in somewhat of a cold war with the water-delivery-guy at my workplace. This is how a typical water delivery goes.

While I’m working at my computer, I hear the delivery truck backing into the driveway.

I walk into the kitchen, grab the empty …

Birds are growing on me. (Not literally. That would be terrifying.)

I hated birds when I was younger. I thought they were unpredictable, annoying, and flighty. (See what I did there? Do you see it?) My dad and I used to feed the seagulls french fries …

I get into a morning routine rabbit hole pretty often. It’s usually midnight on a weekend and I find myself watching videos like “A Healthy and Productive Morning Routine” and “How to Wake Up at 4AM.” The next morning, I inevitably end up hating …

I was in the hardware store and a man working there asked me if I wanted to phone my husband because I looked so confused. Phone my husband? First of all, I’m not even married. Second, what if I have a wife? Third, isn’t it your job to help people in …

Name. My first name is Sarah. I know what your next question is. The answer is yes. It is spelled with an H. Just kidding. No one actually gives a shit whether or not Sarah is spelled with an H. I’ve received birthday cards from my own family members …